Strengths Finder

My husband’s been teaching me new things. Well, not him exactly, but the books he brings home from work. He’s been devouring all sorts of marketing and management books in his attempt to “take over the world.”  The newest one I read is called “Strengths Finder” by Tom Rath. It takes all of my incessant and irritating needs for routine and predictability and calls them “strengths.”  After a short online test I discovered that my top strengths are Harmony (apparently I want everyone to just get along), Consistency (aka boring- actually it means I want all people treated equally), Empathy (I feel for people), Discipline (uptight), and Developer (really? I don’t even really like people that much).

I was surprised by some of the explanations of the strengths but others fit me to a T. Like Empathy “you can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own.” Sometimes when I’m checking out at Target and the teenage employee has downcast eyes in her red and khakis, I feel bad for even assuming that she’s going to bag my groceries. This “strength” has always been irritating to me. I continually feel bad asking anything of anyone because they may have had a bad day.

On the other hand, I think the Lord gives me insight into people that I wouldn’t naturally have. At church the other night one of our regular attenders walked in with his shoulders a little bit heavier and he seemed to be carrying a burden he didn’t have in previous weeks. I talked with him during the break in the service and after a little probing he shared that he had just retired.  Instead of being happy he was overwhelmed with discovering a new identity for himself as a retired person. I was glad that he shared that with me and was honored to be able to give that request when the prayer team met the following week.

Perhaps the best discovery in giving a name to my “strengths” was that in 4 of my top 5 strengths, it’s recommended that I partner with someone like my husband. His strengths compliment my own.

For instance, in the description of Harmony, it says “Partner with someone especially talented in Command or Activator” because they can help me resolve conflicts. Chaz is an Activator, which means he is exceptionally “impatient for action” and has fantastic and creative ideas of how to resolve problems.

Overall “Strengths Finder” is an excellent book, whether you work in a corporate environment or with a bunch of screaming kids all day. It’s neat to give a name to the core characteristics of how you work and know that there are others out there that share your crazy quirks.  

Financial Peace University

The Lord answers prayers.  And at times it’s in ways I never expect.

A few years ago my husband and I just couldn’t seem to make ends meet.  Each paycheck would fly through our hands before we could deposit it with a nice size credit card bill trailing behind. I kept praying that the Lord would provide for us financially but each month seemed more expensive than the last.

We weren’t necessarily being frivolous. We didn’t have a huge house, expensive cars or toys.  In fact, we didn’t have much to show for the barrels of money we were burning through. Our income seemed sufficient for our family of 5 but our bank statements continuously told a different story. We had no savings, no retirement fund, no college funds, and no plan for when a car or appliance broke down. I kept thinking that if we just made a little more money, we’d be able to put money aside.

In November of 2009 I reluctantly agreed to host Financial Peace University with my husband at our house. I was not excited.  This was supposed to be a small group from our church digging into God’s Word, not learning how to track our income and expenses. 

The first night I was pleasantly surprised.  Dave Ramsey began to share his plan about how to count each dollar.  He gave frightening statistics about how many Americans are in debt with no plan for their own retirement or kids college funds, much less the inevitable financial emergency. And as the weeks progressed he described how to make a livable budget and how to attack debt with “gazelle intensity.”  Each one hour session ends with real life testimonies of people who have gotten out of mountains of debt and now have thousands in savings and retirement.

None of his ideas are radical or even new.  He teaches an envelope system of saving for the things you want or need.  For instance, if you want to have your piano tuned once a year and it costs $100, you put about $8 in the piano envelope every month. You pay cash for almost everything because it’s more difficult to let go of physical dollars than to mindlessly charge something on a card. Your purchases quickly become planned and well thought out.

Sounds simple.  And really it is.  But I grew up in a family where bank accounts were overflowing and we had enough to feed a family 3x the size of ours.  There was no budgeting.  We saw. We wanted. We bought. And it seemed that no matter how much we purchased, there were no credit card balances following us around.  You can imagine how confused I was after my husband and I got married and had bills of our own.

But now each dollar of our paychecks has a destination.  We only buy what we have budgeted for.  And as geeky as it sounds, I appreciate having to use restraint when it comes to buying extras, like scrapbooking supplies, just so that when our oven breaks down, we actually have money to replace it.

I fully expected the Lord to answer my prayers with bigger paychecks. Of course, that would have meant more money to waste.  But as usual, He had a much better plan. Through Financial Peace University we learned how to honor God with our finances, to pay for our needs, tithe, and even responsibly save for the 

The Enemy's Trying To Tear Down Your House

What a difference a year makes.  July 2009 I experienced the worst bout of insomnia I’ve ever had. I’ve always been prone to a rough night of sleep.  My mind runs day and night, never quite able to turn off.  And a few times my body has kept me awake trying to give me a message, like when I was unknowingly pregnant or when I needed to have an important conversation with my husband. 

I’m against sleep medication for myself. I prefer to fix the problem instead of masking the symptoms.  I did everything I could think of to fall asleep.  I tried to unwind an hour before bed.  I installed new blinds to make the room as dark as possible.  I removed the blazing blue clock that continually reminded me how many hours I had not been sleeping.  And my snoring husband was condemned to the couch.  Nothing helped.  Most nights my mind simply couldn’t achieve the sleep my body desperately needed.  It is beyond frustrating when something so simple becomes so complicated.

Weeks of surviving on 1-3 hours of sleep a night left me utterly exhausted and in a zombie state- impossible to take care of 3 rambunctious kids!

One night after unsuccessfully trying to sleep for several hours, I said to the Lord “What on earth is going on?  I constantly harass You with my prayers for sleep. Psalm 127:2 says that You grant sleep to those You love and I know You love me.  Please show me what the problem is!”

Almost immediately I fell into a deep sleep.  I dreamt that in my basement was a man dressed in black.  He was using a miter saw to cut small pieces of wood and a small hammer to hit the cement floor.  The next morning when I remembered the dream, the phrase “the enemy’s trying to tear down your house” came to mind.  As I pondered that it became pretty clear.  The man in black was working hard to be destructive.  Then I realized the tools he had to work with would not be the first choice in a demolition.   But they sure made a lot of noise. 

A few days later my pastor was talking about the authority we have over the enemy in Jesus and how to pray against him.  So I stood up and claimed that authority.  And slept soundly that night.

I can count the number of times I’ve clearly heard the Lord speak to me on one hand- not often. But when He answers prayer, He really answers prayer.  The insomnia improved greatly but He also revealed in the coming weeks some physical problems keeping me from sleep. Adrenal fatigue proved to be the main problem and blood work later confirmed hypothyroidism that I’m working to fix. 

A year later with the help of some amazing supplements and continual prayer, I’m sleeping well.  Occasionally I’ll have a rough night but nothing like last summer.

 I can still feel the enemy trying to tear me down in other ways but at least now I can fight on a full night’s sleep.

Freedom

My pastor was preaching on John chapter 4 where Jesus encounters the Samaritan woman at the well, and what we can learn about Jesus from that passage.  Without going into too much detail, we learn that He was human, that He wants all people to come to Him regardless of gender, religion, or nationality, and that He often exposes sin to reveal a need.

My favorite application from the sermon was that God doesn’t expose sin to shame us.  He exposes sin to bring about freedom.

And that’s what I needed to hear.  The Lord’s been working on my heart, digging up painful experiences and hidden sin that I would have preferred remain buried forever.  Embarrassed and ashamed, I shoved those memories as deep down as I could and time made them faded and almost forgotten.  But even hidden in the depths these traumatic events had a firm grasp on my thoughts and feelings, controlling who I am today.  The Lord tenderly revealed the past I had concealed, and I reluctantly allowed the memories to surface and heal.  Slowly the burden I have carried unknowingly for all these years is becoming lighter

How amazing and precious the Lord is to cultivate and pursue true freedom in each of us. He saw the weight of guilt that I was carrying on my own and He knew it was too much for me to bear.  That Samaritan woman at the well went back to her town and told the people about the man “who told me everything I ever did.”  Today I’m glad that nothing is hidden from God.  And I’m grateful that He accepts me as I am and loves me too much to leave me that way.  

Supermom

Why is it that day after day I insist on exhausting myself trying to DO EVERYTHING? I woke up this morning and after getting breakfast for my 3 kids, I took a super (60 second) shower, got the kids dressed, juiced my veggies and fruit, made myself breakfast, got a snack ready for my son’s summer class- typical morning activities at the Lowder’s house.

And somehow I had 10 minutes to spare before jumping in the car to take my son to class. But instead of sitting down for the first time in several hours, I decided to race outside and weed the garden. Seriously? Weed the garden? Would my day somehow have been incomplete with grass and greens sprouting up among the vegetables? Would I have doomed myself a failure if I hadn’t tended to the strawberries?

From all the other mom blogs I’ve visited, this seems to be a common mom problem. We all work ourselves silly to try to be supermoms. Not that there aren’t things that need to be done throughout the day. But it’s those relatively unimportant tasks that many of us can’t seem to let go. At least that’s the case for me.

Occasionally I find myself daydreaming about how great it would be if there were 3 of me- one to wash clothes, one to prepare meals, one to play with the kids, and hopefully one of me could take some time and chill out.

I don’t foresee cloning in my future so my days will continue with too many things to do and not enough time for what’s really important. My husband frequently comes home from work and wonders why I’m crabby. “Can’t you see all that needs to be done before I can relax?”

Time out! Supermom needs a nap.